If you receive an e-mail entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately. DO NOT OPEN IT. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your Hard Drive, but will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprogrammes your CashCard PIN number, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses sub-space field harmonics to scratch any CDs you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will programme your phone Auto Dial to call only your mother-in-law's number. This virus will mix anti-freeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It's radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and belly button fuzz to migrate behind your ears. It will date your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and bill their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea. It will re-write your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences. If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair-drier plugged in dangerously close to a full bath tub. It will refill your skimmed milk with whole milk. It will replace all your luncheon meat with SPAM. It will molecularly re-arrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill pickles.

It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.


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