MEN'S ENGLISH:

I'm hungry=I'm hungry 
I'm sleepy=I'm sleepy 
I'm tired=I'm tired 
Do you want to go to a movie?=I'd eventually like to have sex with you 
Can I take you out to dinner?=I'd eventually like to have sex with you 
Can I call you sometime?=I'd eventually like to have sex with you 
May I have this dance?=I'd eventually like to have sex with you 
Nice dress!=Nice cleavage! 
You look tense... let me give you a massage=I'd like to grope you 
What's wrong?=I don't see why you're making such a big deal out ofthis 
What's wrong?=What meaningless, self inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? 
What's wrong?=I guess sex is out of the question tonight 
I'm bored=Do you want to have sex? 
I love you=Let's have sex right now 
I love you, too=OK I said it!  We'd better have sex now! 
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair=I liked it better the way it was before 
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair=$50 and it looks about the same as it did before
Let's talk=I'm trying to impress you by showing you I'm a deep person and maybe then you'll have sex with me 
Will you marry me?=I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys 
(While shopping)Yes, I really like that one=Just pick any dress and let's get out of here 
I don't think that blouse and skirt go well together=I'm gay                    

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Yes = No
No=Yes 
Maybe=No 
I'm sorry=You'll be sorry 
We need=I want 
It's your decision=The correct decision should be obvious by now 
Do what you want=You'll pay for this later 
We need to talk=I need to complain 
Sure... go ahead!=I don't want you to 
I'm not upset =Of course I'm upset, you moron! 
You're so manly=You need a shave and you sweat a lot 
You're certainly attentive tonight=Is sex all you ever think about? 
Lets be romantic and turn out the lights=I have flabby thighs 
This kitchen is so inconvenient=I want a new house 
I want new curtains=... and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper 
Do you love me?=I'm going to ask for something expensive 
How much do you love me=I did something today you're not going tolike 
I'll be ready in a minute=kick off your shoes and find a good game onTV 
Is my butt fat?=Tell me I'm beautiful 
You need to learn to communicate=Just agree with me! 
Are you listening to me?=Too late, you're dead! 
Was that the baby?=Please get out of bed and walk him 'til he's asleep 
I'm not yelling=Yes I am yelling because I think this is important!