A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc.

After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant,

and calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try

artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what

this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet

how he will know when the pigs are pregnant.

The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead,

lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant.

The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the

conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs. So he loads the pigs

into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings

them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the

pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that

the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them

out to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings them

back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs are still just standing around.

One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods.

He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the

pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying

in the mud. "No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them's

honking the horn".

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