Abdicate -- v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Balderdash -- n., a rapidly receding hairline.

Bustard -- n., a very rude Metrobus driver.

Carcinoma -- n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Circumvent -- n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Coffee -- n., a person who is coughed upon.

Esplanade -- v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Flabbergasted -- adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Flatulence -- n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Gargoyle -- n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Lymph -- v., to walk with a lisp.

Marionettes -- n., residents of Washington who have been jerked around by the mayor.

Negligent -- adj., describes a condition in which you absent mindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Oyster -- n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Rectitude -- n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a

proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Semantics -- n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.

Testicle -- n., a humorous question to an exam.

Willy-nilly -- adj., impotent.