These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)
 > Q: Does it ever get windy in   Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (   UK ).
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
 > Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
> A:Depends how much you've been drinking.

 > Q:I want to walk from   Perth to   Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
 > A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

 > Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in   Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane ,   Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)

> A: What did your last slave die of?

 > Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in   Australia ? ( USA )

> A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of   Europe .
 > Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
 > ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

 > Q:Which direction is North in   Australia ? (USA )
 > A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

 > Q: Can I bring cutlery into   Australia ? ( UK )

> A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...

 > Q:Can you send me the   Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (   USA )
 > A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is  
 > Oh forget it. Sure, the   Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
 > Q: Can I wear high heels in   Australia ? ( UK )

> A: You are a British politician, right?

 > Q:Are there supermarkets in   Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.

> Milk is illegal
 > Q:Please send a list of all doctors in   Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
 > All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
 > Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

> A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
 > You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
 > Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in   Australia ? (USA)
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
 > Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in   Australia ? ( France )
 > A: Only at Christmas.
 > Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
 > A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first     

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