Alcoholic wisdom


I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

Frank Sinatra


The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.

William Butler Yeats


An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

Ernest Hemingway


Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Ernest Hemingway


You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Dean Martin


Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.



No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.

G.K. Chesterton


Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

Catherine Zandonella


Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

-Ambrose Bierce


Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.



A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

W.C. Fields


What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

W.C. Fields


Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.



Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Oscar Wilde


When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Henny Youngman


Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.



I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

Tom Waits


24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

Stephen Wright


When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...

Brian O'Rourke


You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

Frank Zappa


Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Winston Churchill


He was a wise man who invented beer.



Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Benjamin Franklin


Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Dave Barry


The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

Humphrey Bogart


Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.

David Moulton


Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

Kaiser Wilhelm


Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

Dave Barry


I drink to make other people interesting.

George Jean Nathan


Alcohol may cause a few of the worlds' problems, but in the end it solves them all

Homer Simpson

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