This is a contribution from Bill Grantham, (Irish)

A young man named Penis Van Lesbian walked into the office of a Hollywood agent with his resume and portfolio in hand. "You have the very obvious good looks and excellent demeanor of an actor," said the agent. "Tell me, have you had any roles that I might be aware of?"

"No sir" said the handsome young man.

"I dare say I know the reason why, with a name like yours," said the agent. "That's not a name that will go far in Hollywood. I'd love to represent you, but you'll have to change your name."

"Sir," the very handsome actor protested, "My family has carried this name for generations and I will NOT change it for Hollywood or for any other reason."

"If you won't change your name, then I cannot represent you, young man," said the agent.

"Then I bid you a fond farewell -- my name will NOT change. "With that, Penis Van Lesbian left the agent's office, never to return.

Five years later, the agent received a letter. When he opened it, a check fell out. He looked at the check. It was for $50,000! He read the letter:

Dear Sir:

Several years ago, I entered your office determined to become an actor. You refused to represent me unless I changed my name. I objected, saying the Penis Van Lesbian name had been carried for generations and I left your office. I chanced to reconsider my hastiness and after considerable reflection, I decided to heed your advice and change my name. Now, I am a famous actor with many roles and known to millions, worldwide. I owe you a debt of gratitude, so please accept this check with my humble

thanks, for it was your idea which has brought me such fame and fortune.

Very Sincerely Yours,

Dick Van Dyke